News of the world
We (the posh word for I) have entered a
rich vein of form in the past month.
The leather belt that holds aloft my skinny
britches has called for reinforcements in its struggle to contain the expanse
of pasty skin gently beginning to push against it.
The rate we (again referring to me) are
going, we may need the steel bottomed ambulance and International Rescue on
stand-by in case we need to be cut free from our home.
Now just take a moment to imagine Scott and
Virgil from Thunderbirds turning up on one of those Channel 4 documentaries
“Half Ton Son” to free the poor colossus - and let's move on.
No fewer than four establishments, that we
can remember (there have actually been
quite a few more), have been visited.
And as Lloyd Grossman used to say in the
good old days of MasterChef “We’ve
deliberated, cogitated and digested” exactly what was on offer in each.
First up was the pomp and ceremony of an
evening meal at Eastwell Manor.
Set in the rolling hills of Kent, the
mansion is now a hotel with spa, bars, golf course and very decent restaurant.
The menu is based on classical English and French cuisine, while the quiet and luxurious
ambience was supplemented by the noise of Barons and Earls choosing from a
lengthy wine list and a bloke tinkling the ivories in the corner.
I imagine that is what it would have been
like at the captain’s table on the Titanic - just without Di Caprio, Winslett or that guy who used to go out with Kelly Brook (can you believe that happened - how did he manage that?).
Penguin clad service staff mill about while lots
of “yes sir” and “yes madam” phrases are uttered.
The menu was a little pricey, but with the
superb surroundings of the mansion and grounds, it wasn’t a surprise.
However, what was a surprise was the superb
value of the Table d’Hote which offered three courses for £35.
As well as a complimentary home-baked
bread roll and an amuse bouche, It featured the salmon, steaks, beef wellington, sea bream and more.
It was really, very good. But, just a quick tip, watch out for the changing set
menu, a brief visit to their website since has revealed a less superior Table d'Hote offering. So pick your moment and then go for it. The views alone are worth a visit.
An event at the Four Seasons Hotel at Canary Wharf allowed me to sample their conference nibbles, although I was more interested in the miniature
bottles of Scavi & Ray prosecco. Lunchbox sized bottles stuck with a straw (good idea) offered a light, fresh and fizzy beverage that you
could drink all day – if you wanted to forget your weight problems.
But perhaps the most educational visit of the month was to
the Hurlingham Club in Fulham for the Estrella Damm Tapas Congress.
We heard lectures from the likes of El
Bulli legend Ferran Adria, the head chefs from the much celebrated ‘Tickets’
restaurant in Barcelona and Tapas maestro here in the UK, Jose Pizarro.
There were investigations into how tapas
began, how it has evolved and where it is now. Not to mention a few trends that
emerging for the future.
We were also treated to some “British
Tapas” from Tom Kerridge and news that he will be opening another
restaurant/pub in Marlow with a menu based around that very premise.
I was also happy enough to ask for a photo
with the chef under the guise/lie of “it’s for my mum”. That felt low, until 10
minutes later when I got free tapas samples and an Estrella Damm goodie bag.
Note-to-self: Don't try to hide in the toilets in attempt to get into the Restaurant Awards that were taking place in the same building that evening. It will be embarrassing for both you and the "freshen-up" guy when he asks if you are "okay in there?".
My final excursion to an eatery this month
was actually in Turkey – the country, not the festive poultry.
Let me first recommend the Olive Garden restaurant to anyone travelling to the Olu
Deniz area of the country. It is a once in a life-time restaurant.
Probably because your luck will run out the
next time you try to get to it.
Dug into the side of a mountain, perched on
wooden stilts sits a restaurant to, quite literally, die for.
Our bus driver, decided it was probably a
good idea to talk into his mobile phone while taking hairpin corners on roads
without barriers, littered with rocks and goats, 500 feet up the side of a
mountain with a sheer drop below.
On reaching the eatery, and promptly
changing my shorts, we ordered local wine with a lunch of tzatziki with pitta
breads, fresh salads and olives to start.
It was followed by a roasted aubergine
stuffed with chicken in a spicy sauce and a sea-food pizza piled high with
mussels, squid, crab and prawns.
The colours and flavours will stay with me
for a long time. The vegetables and fruits were all sourced from their mountain-side
allotment and tasted of sunshine.
On completion of our meal, we were ushered
to a gazebo to sleep off our gastronomic experience while served with ice cold
Effes beer.
The gazebo and the adjacent swimming pool (still
on the wooden platform here) were free of charge and part of the Olive Garden
Experience as we were told.
And it is an experience that I would
implore others to enjoy – especially as we got a free hat for the journey home –
whether that was to cover your eyes for the bus journey home or as free
marketing I am still not sure.
In hind-sight, and The Bitterest Pill, is that if I had just walked to the
Olive Garden it would have solved more than one of my problems. Damn it.
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